:: Bruce Leroy's Pad ::

:: Wednesday, April 30, 2003 ::

current animal: Panther
Song Playing right now: Destroy the mic device - Matrix and A-Butter

sometimes i wish i could stop the world from spinning and step out of it. Kick it off its axis.............

Thanks to the movie "The Matrix", i have been heavy into the philosophy of free will and its conflict with determinism. The constant battle we percieve between that which is meant to be and that which we choose to be. Is there a such thing as destiny, and can we ever possibly fight it? Or depend on it........

It is hard to have faith. Maybe that is why humans don't have superpowers - i really would stop the world from spinning..........for the possibility of eternal love.

Word. -_- \/


:: bruceleroy left this message at 8:49 AM [+] ::
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Get to know what makes me tick. This poem is what stirs my soul. ^_^

Sarah Jones - Blood




:: bruceleroy left this message at 8:34 PM [+] ::
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Mood: confused......?
Song Playing right now: What's going on - Marvin Gaye

Guess what?

The sky is falling.

And reality is coming with it. First off, i have MAD bills to pay. I can cover them all, but bill time always reminds me of how poor i am. >.< Especially since i got the first bill for the cable......damn......*massages his jaw*
Second, for those of you who don't know, lately i have had folks stay at my place from time to time - meaning weekly. One individual of which has trouble being quiet. Well, it seems as if i have just been written up for loud noise and excessive guests. -_- I mean, i warned him the SHUT THE FUCK UP, but it just wouldn't stop. And now, due to the openness of my heart (or the weakness of my will), my residency is in danger. well FUCK THAT. Excuse my language, dear readers, but this is really frustrating. I almost feel taken advantage of - folks gather at my place, partake of my food and drink, and return the favor with a write up. Has California really made me too nice? *shudders* Naw. It's just me being stupid. I let this happen. I can't put the blame on my enviornment. This is an issue to be handled from the inside out. [/rant]

I feel a quake in my being. After almost 3 years back on the west coast, the real me is coming forth; the "east coast" me. The angry black man me. The reader. The thinker. The challenger. I don't think there will be many who like it. Hell, i might even be offensive. o_O But the front is making me weak. And at this time in my life, i need strength. I am almost ashamed of some of the compromises i have made in the name of California's code of tolerance. I'm tired of being ashamed of myself. It is time to get serious. The mask that has held so long is cracking, and there isn't an adhesive in the world that can repair it.

It might seem sudden......but this is the result of a battle that has raged within me since i arrived on this side of our "distinguished" nation.

How can a man with so much love, so much to look forward to, and blessed with all these gifts...........be so PISSED OFF?

In spite of this, there still lies hope. I am excited and positive about my future. I look forward to the experience of life. And i have found understanding in a "voice that rose from the west."

May life's lessons continue to wash over this humble student.

Struggle. Think. Peace. -_- \/
:: bruceleroy left this message at 5:15 PM [+] ::
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Mood: awe
Song Playing right now: Moonlight Desetsu - Sailor Moon

Before i start: yes, i like sailor moon. The japanese version of the show is both racy and funny. Recognize sucka.

Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream, Neo? How would you know the difference between the dreamworld and the real world?

For the past few days, i have been waiting to wake up. Because things are just going that good. I am awaiting harsh reality to come crashing down any second. Cloud 9? I am on cloud 10 1/2. Keep a level head, BJ.........keep a level head. I can't elaborate right at this moment.......but i can say that it revolves around these two issues:

I may have FINALLY found a kindred spirit.

I may be dancing........PROFESSIONALLY.

Peace. ^_^ \/
:: bruceleroy left this message at 11:17 AM [+] ::
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Mood: queasy
Song Playing right now: Girl next door - Musiq Soulchild

if anyone has been wondering where i have been, blame it on http://www.go-gaia.com/.

I have always liked to roleplay (from the pen and paper D&D days XD ).........Gaia provides and interesting medium to project yourself on some alternate reality and interact with others doing the same thing. However, i wonder if such excessant escapism is healthy when i am making such a significant change in my life. From a student to a survivor. Even though i am ready, and look forward to it very much, i must admit i am a bit nervous about the whole ordeal........maybe that is why my stomach is so disturbed as of late.

Or maybe my lazy ass just needs to start cooking breakfast.

What is down the line for me? After i secure a descent job, i am seriously considering just moving somewhere else. The bay area......SoCal......maybe east coast. Yeah, the east. i really felt like myself over there. My TRUE self. somehow, i feel as though coming back to the west coast has made me soft.........like i can't stand up for what i believe anymore. I go back to wearing the mask of universal congeniality. Is it so important that everyone likes me? Especially if my soul suffers for it?

Peace........


:: bruceleroy left this message at 1:11 PM [+] ::
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Mood: GOOD!
Song playing right now: I'm the only gay Eskimo - Tenacious D


My goodness........i have not posted in a VERY long time. good lord. Lets see.........since the tourney, the following has happened:

I have an apartment now, and its by myself!

I finally got an cable broadband connection at the new apt....

I have decided to stop school for a semester and work

Currently looking for a job

Found the wonderfulness which is http://www.go-gaia.com/

Going to recieve the DDR machine really soon

Picked up hella good chinese movies

Played and beat Zelda:Wind waker..........twice

A WHOLE LOT of DEPRESSION

yeah, i know that last one does not make any sense, and these events are not in chronological order........but i have been really down on myself because of my academic performance. Even to the point of considering suicide........I really felt that i had nothing left to live for. However, fate has saw fit for me to bouce back, and i have a new take on life. I am stopping school, working to support myself (my parents are cutting me off financially) and i feel great. Time to throw off the illusions of grandeur, stop cowering in corners, and begin separating myself from impossible expectations. It is time to LIVE.




:: bruceleroy left this message at 4:27 PM [+] ::
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